Senior Year: What it was like for me

This post was written ages ago and was never finished. I read back through my old posts when I'm feeling down. Felt like publishing this post now... after nearly 3.5 years since I wrote it. I'm 21 now and 2020 is just around the corner. I used this blog as an outlet and feel like I should try that again sometime. I won't touch petpetsroom though since it's a good time capsule for my adolescent ages. I regret not capturing more of my college and high school life (not big on social media), but I'll survive. :) Anways, enjoy what little I wrote 3.5 years ago:

Wow... it's been nearly a year since I've written anything.

My last post here was during last summer vacation. I was on the edge of depression, felt overly stressed, hated myself, anxious/feared my future and overall... I was lost. Now, nearly one year later, I am a high school graduate, I am confident in myself and my work, I'm going through so many exciting moments in life, and slowly learning what the real world is like.

It's amazing to see myself change so much in one year. Sure, I was extremely stressed during my Senior year, but I felt that it was the year I discovered WHO I was. I know I didn't write a lot about my Junior or Senior year, but let's just say, MY SENIOR YEAR ROCKED (and was nothing like High School Musical 3).

High School Musical 3 lied  to me...
but Senor Year was still amazing

People say that your senior year (your last year of high school or secondary school) will be one of the best years of your life. I truly understand that now. High school: the place I had wake up everyday at 5/6 in the morning to go sit in class with annoying classmates, deal nagging teachers, and see terrible people... has become more than that. It became a place of community, networks, supporters, and memories. Like I said, this was the year I discovered who I was. I will probably never miss those crowded hallways, terrible teachers, and jerks who were always on their skateboards (I swear, I was so ready to just trip one of them), but I will miss all the memories I made with my friends, amazing teachers, and my class of 2016.

So, I guess it's time to go into more specifics of my year. It is so hard to sum up one year's worth of content, but I'll do my best...

Teachers

I had most of the same teachers as last year, because of the IB diploma program I was in. I think I will miss many of them.
I'll miss my English teacher, Mr. D. I'll miss his passion for conservation, his "starters" with folk songs, and his amazing attitude towards teaching and learning.
I'll miss my Art teacher, Mrs. B. 

Under a Lot of Stress

So I know that I haven't wrote a post in an extremely long time and pretty much abandoned this blog.... But there are times when I feel like I need a way to get my feelings off. This blog is like a diary or journal to me where I can just write about whatever I feel experience. So here goes nothing...

Junior year has been amazing and went by as a blur for me. The problem is, it is the middle of summer vacation, I am nearing my high school experience... And I am on the verge of what feels like depression. Now I can't say that I am depressed because I have seen and heard what depression feels like, and I am not depressed... More like overly stressed that I am crumbling to a thousand pieces and facing a "mid-life crisis" (not exactly mid-life, but you get the point). My life and future is taking over me. Maybe I feel this way because I just have too much time to think over the summer, but I feel like I am crumbling.

I have little to no motivation to do any school work. In my heart, I really want to achieve great things, but I have no motivation. I want to create masterpieces, play music, read what I love, learn to dance to my favorite Kpop/Jpop songs, exercise, and do well in all academics... But I haven't been able to do that this summer. I have lost my drive and motivation to achieve and I hate myself for that.

I want my old self back. The happy motivational self from 3 years ago, because that's when I felt most happy. Maybe I felt happy then because I knew I had friends by me no matter what. Maybe that's because it was the start of high school and I just wanted to enjoy being a teenager. Maybe that's because I was more open to people and had plenty of who I have never spoken to face to face understand me. So many maybes, but never a clear answer...

I guess overall is that I am overly stressed  about trying to achieve things and the future of my senior year that I have broken down. I have kept my feelings, thoughts and everything bottled up for a whole year and I have fallen apart. I can't enjoy things like I used to as much and I just don't know....

I thought that staying away from social media, blogging, PSF, and everything would make life easier.... But it didn't. The Internet is my way to tell some random people how I feel anonymously (or somewhat anonymously). I miss having friends to talk to constantly on the PSF. Sure, we have other social media and such to communicate, but it's not the same. I dread looking at the forum because it reminds me of how dead it really is. It hurts to see that I no longer have all the role plays, games, random chats, and late nights. It just hurts... But I remind myself that we always need to keep moving on.

I don't really care if no one ever reads this. I wrote for the sake of myself. I might start writing on this blog just for the sake of getting feelings off my chest because I need to find a way to let things out. Talking doesn't help, so might as well write...

Senior year is going to be stressful. I am in panic now due to the anticipation and fears, but I hope to get through it. I just need breathe and to take this year just like how I'm going to fix myself: one little piece at a time.

❤Petpet

Why I Went on a Three Month Haitus

...I don't know I can even call myself a blogger. I mean, I don't even consistently post. I'll post so much one month, then post once a month, then go missing from my blog for months!

I'm sorry.

I always choose a bad time to blog, and when not to blog. Example would be this very post that I wrote. It is two weeks before school starts, and instead of doing my extremely important homework for class, I decided to blog! You know, I had like two other months of summer break to blog, but I just had to choose now to blog. I make bad decisions. (I swear, I will regret this.)

So, why did I all of the sudden decided to blog again, even though I'm really "busy" this summer. Well, I decided to visit it after three months of not visiting and I read through my old posts. Reading my posts made me realize how much I really missed blogging. It is so time consuming sometimes, but I still love it. There is actually not a day where I say to myself, "Hey, I should totally blog about this!" (As pathetic as it may sound...) I always want to blog, but finding the time and motivation can be tough. My time management skills need serious handling...

Anyways, just letting anyone who still bothers to read my posts, that I did want to blog a lot this summer. The reason why I didn't was that I went into a "phase." It was a phase where I didn't want to do anything productive. I didn't want to sit and do actual work. I just wanted to do things that would require as little brain use as possible to recuperate my mind from the year of school. The last thing I wanted to do was blog, sad to say.

So sorry if you've missed me and my little posts (or not so little posts.) There's so much I always want to say, but it's always too hard to write it all down! I want to promise that I will write more, but I know that making promises won't help. Instead, I will say that I will try and get back to posting and learn to manage time better, so I don't always waste my time playing video games. Since school will be starting soon, I really will manage my time better. Please understand, that I want to post a lot, I just can't.

Blogging is one of my greatest pastimes, but I don't know how long I can do it continuously.
♥Petpet

Tackling Exams!

I am almost done with the school year!

*Let's out a huge sigh*

I really do need a break. These past few week have been constant work, study, and crave for sleep. I've been studying extremely hard for my AP Government and Politics test (which I took on the 13th) and for my Driver's Education class. Even though I got that heavy AP test done with, it doesn't mean that I'm done with school yet. I still have a lot of  projects to do and take even more exams.

Of course, I can't complain about exams, but I am lacking so much sleep. It's so unhealthy. It's just constantly stress and sleep. Hopefully, I can get back to my normal schedule once school is out for the summer, because right now, my schedule is so messed up... And so is my health (I've been trying to do yoga to destress, but sometimes I just don't have the time/energy).

I'll be posting tons soon. Just wait! Once I tackled these last 12 school days, then I'll be able to write more and excite you with my life (or not excite.) I am just ready for summer.

♥Your very tired and stressed out, Petpet

Chinese Language Fair

Our song was called "Jing Hua Ci"
by Jay Chou which is about a
 beautiful porcelain vase. 

Yesterday, April 17, 2014, I had to wake up at 5 o'clock in the morning to prepare for my Chinese Language Fair. (This is very similar to the Spanish Language Fair I went to last year.) Normally, I'd be fine waking up at 5 in the morning but this was during my spring break.. where I would have loved to sleep in and not worry about school. Anyways, I arrived at the school at 6:20 and had to practice my song with my group for the competition.

We arrived at the college where the language fair was taken place at about 8:00. At that time, we were just waiting to register for all the events and to start doing these events. I was unlucky and couldn't do a lot of the activities because my group insisted on practicing our song multiple times until it was perfect. (There was a lot of drama involved as well.)

My friend Summer and I managed to do some paper cutting activities and take a photo at the Great Wall of China though. I think my favorite part of the paper cutting activity was talking with the instructor. During the fair, we were only supposed to talk Chinese (which was difficult since I don't know a lot of Chinese) or else you would end up in "jail." Brooke, our paper cutting instructor, was so nice and spoke to us in English more than she should have. She was just so nice and had a friendly conversation with us (half in Chinese, half in English.) I think that if she wasn't so nice, we both would have been in "jail."

It was time for me to compete in my first competition. I had to recite a poem in Chinese and the judge would ask me questions on the poem. I recited "Jing Ye Si (静夜思)" by Li Bai and got a superior on it! (Ratings from highest to lowest: Superior, Excellent, Very Good, Good, Okay.) It was fairly easy and I was glad I practiced my tones. I am terribly at tones.

Jing Ye Si (静夜思)

After my accomplishment, we went back to do another activity. I chose to try the Singing Bowl out. I have never heard of it before in my life and it look so cool. You basically wet your hands and then rub your hands on the side handles of the bowl. If you do it just right, then the bowl will "sing." It's one of the coolest things ever.

Finally, it was time to compete in our singing competition. To be honest, we weren't as prepared as we could have been and not as loud as we could have been as well. Overall, we got an excellent on it.

I missed the awards ceremony except for the very end. Our school won for the sweepstakes. (All the competition ratings are compiled into points and you get a grand total.) At the end of the day, I had a really fun time but it was just an exhausting day. If our school decides to go again next year, then I will definitely go... even if it means taking part of my spring break again.

♥Petpet, who took a two hour nap once she got home yesterday

*Note: When I say "Chinese," I mean Mandarin. I can speak Cantonese, which is a different dialect from Mandarin. So when I say I don't know Chinese, I mean I don't know how to speak Mandarin.

**All photos belong to rightful owner. I do not own any of them.

Going to Make the Best of my Sophomore Year

Boy, does time fly by fast?! I can't believe that my sophomore year is almost over!

Well, I survived another term of school! To be honest, it went by way faster than I expected. (I guess we did have a lot of long weekends... maybe that's why.) The only problem is, I don't think I really socialized that much this school term. Sure, I still have friends but I haven't socialized as much. I didn't really go to any of dances. Hardly went to any events (except for the Robotics competition last week.) It was kind of an easy quarter, but I still had a ton of homework. I don't hate school. I just hate the people, schoolwork, and stress of school.

What it feels like my crush is doing constantly

Now that 3rd term has ended, it means that the year will be over in just less than 3 months! I want to try and make the best out of my school year. By doing that I'm going to try and socialize with my friends as much as possible. Spring Fling is coming up and it is girl's choice. So, if my friends are planning to go as a group, I want to try and ask someone and actually go to the dance. (I haven't been to a school dance since Halloween.) I'm going to try and ask my friend who I went to homecoming with. I've like him for awhile, but I've been trying to hide it-- which I know is a really bad idea. Hopefully I find the courage the ask him and actually get to go to Spring Fling.

Time to finish off my sophomore year strong and try to survive all my finals!

♥Petpet
*All images belong to rightful owner

Spring is Here... And so is a Creepy Cow!

Before you question my other half of the title... it's spring!

I don't know how much of a difference it makes that it's "officially" spring, because our year's weather is just insane. I mean, in February it only snowed about 3 times when it snowed almost everyday 5 years before. Even if we don't get snow, it's common to have lots of rainstorms. The first day of spring feels more like the middle of spring. This is all because of global climate change and I'm not liking it.

Now that it's spring though, I'm hoping to see lots of plants growing now! I really love spring for its colors and blossoms... What I don't like is the pollen though. I shall suffer from a stuffy nose to see the beautiful flowers bloom though.

As a celebration of spring, a conservative garden park/center near my house was having a charity event. They invited a whole bunch of stores and restaurants to come to the center and give out free food. Their goal was to raise $1,000,000 so they wanted as many people to come and take interest in the park and charity event.

Well, one of the sponsors was Chick-Fil-A. When there's Chick-Fil-A, there's going to be cows. These two cows were out causing trouble the whole night:

Of course, they made the kids happy and made the event more fun, but I honestly was a little uncomfortable with them... Especially the one in the red. Why? Well, for about the hour we were at the event, the cow came behind me and just put its face right in front of mine. This didn't happen once. NO. It happened about 6 times. At that point, I was just really wondering who was in that costume. Is if possible that the cow was flirting with me?! I don't even know any more!  Honestly, you shouldn't come up to the same people multiple times and messing with them. That just makes them/me suspicious.

I already have trust issues with chickens and now I have to avoid cows too? (Apparently, my cousins think they are trying to murder me or something of the sort.) Stop it meat products! I never did anything horrible so just leave me alone!

Hopefully, this never happens to me again.
♥Petpet

*I do not own any of these pictures, they belong to their rightful owner

Sorry for the Hiatus!

I'm so sorry that I haven't been posting. (What is this? My 9th hiatus apology post?) I guess I'm in the middle of a "mid-blog" crisis (I don't know if that exists. If it doesn't, it does now!) For the past few months, I haven't had the motivation to write on my blog. I don't have a lot of time, because of schoolwork. I swear I have a dozens of things to write, but I just don't. I mean, I still haven't wrote about my trip to Hawaii two years ago. (Whoops.)

I mean I have had times when I can't write, but that's because I had nothing to write about. Now that I do, I just don't write. My interest in blogging isn't necessarily lost. I still want to blog, but I just feel like I don't have the motivation to do it.

Maybe it's because I've been interested in other things that seem more interesting than just writing. (Such as Minecraft and art.) So right now, I'm wondering. Am I really just bored of blogging or am I just lazy and keep putting it off? I really don't know!

Hopefully, this "mid-blog" crisis will stop soon and I can start writing more posts a month rather than just one or two. Again, I'm sorry for the hiatus. I'll be writing again soon once I find the time and motivation to do it. I just hope I can get over it and write a dozen posts next month to make up for the 3 months of almost nothing.
♥Petpet

Zombie Like Me

I have felt like a zombie this past few weeks. By zombie like, I don't mean my brain is half dead, I am constantly craving brains, or that I am walking irregularly. No I'm talking about me not being able to show facial expression... Like a zombie.

How did this all start? Well, it all started with me with an itchy eye. I started noticing that my eyes have been really irritated, especially my right one. At first, I thought that it was maybe just my dry contact lenses. Then it really started to irritate even without my contacts. My next instinct was that I might have symptoms of pink eye (which I've had before.)

A little after, I started to notice that my face was "swollen." I mean, when I rinsed my mouth on Tuesday (4th of February) night, I noticed that my lips weren't closing properly. When I smiled, the left side of my lips went to the side more than my right. My first instinct was that the left side of my face was just swollen because I smiled irregularly. Plus, the left felt puffier than the right.

My mom and I went to the doctor's office on that following Thursday to see about my "swollen" face. Turns out that it wasn't swollen but rather the right side of my face wasn't working properly. My eyes have been so dry because my eye hasn't been blinking properly. Half of my face was paralyzed with something called, "Bell's palsy." It wasn't a stroke or a brain condition. It was just my facial nerves are in shock and don't work very well. Why? The doctor isn't sure but it is probably because I caught a nasty virus while being sick. The virus got to my nerves and made half of my face paralyzed. So for the past week, I've been "sick" and trying to recover my facial nerves. (I had to take a steroid for 7 days to try and stimulate my facial nerves again.)

What just happened to me?!

It's weird having half your face not working. I tell my brain to smile and only half of my face responds. No matter how much I smile, I only get it half way. My face looks abnormal and unnatural. The first few days of Bell's palsy, I looked in the mirror and smiled. When you cover half my face, the left side is happy and cheerful while the other side is like an unresponsive blinking doll. IT IS SUPER CREEPY. If it was Halloween, then Bell's palsy would make me an amazing costume/Halloween effect. Sadly, that wasn't the case.

I get to wear an eyepatch at night... so that's kinda cool?

It's been about a week since I've been diagnosed with Bell's palsy and right now, I'm feeling pretty good. Not all of my facial nerves are back but at least I can smile a little bit. My eye is less irritated and dry but still not blinking properly. (It still looks extremely awkward when I show a lot of expression like frowning or laughing though.) It sucks having Bell's palsy but I'm slowing recovering and support from friends and family help me through.
♥Petpet

*Pictures belong to rightful owner.
Read more about a reporter's experience with Bell's Palsy

Lunar New Year 2014

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!

I hope everyone has great fortune and luck for the year of horse. The horse year is supposed to be good for many people.

So eat lots of yummy food, watch lion/dragon dances, spend time with family, and get lots of red envelopes this year!

Gong xi fa cai! (Gong hay fat choy!)

❤Petpet

(Sorry for such a short post. I will post more about my Lunar New Year once I have some free time from the festivities and schoolwork.)